LINNEY: This is "Masterpiece."

LARRY: "Corfu is a jewel set in an azure sea.

The smiling locals cannot believe their good fortune."

(snorts) There is an element of fiction.

(whistles) (shouts) MARGO: We need more fun in our family.

And modern fashion.

LARRY: Like a beauty parade.

Or a police lineup.

He's got three girls.

LESLIE: I'm trying to run a tight ship and keep them all happy.

LARRY: Love is a whirlpool.

Bad things may happen, but... (gunshot) (crackling, shouting) LOUISA: ...life is a circus.

(gasping) LINNEY: "The Durrells in Corfu," beginning tonight, on "Masterpiece."

(seagulls squawking) ♪ ♪ LOUISA (composing letter): Dear Aunt Hermione, I hope Belgium was good and this letter reaches you safely in Dijon.

Mm, mustard.

We are all happy.

Larry is writing his third novel, which is more than Leslie has read.

And Les has a girlfriend, Daphne, but won't let us meet her.

Margo has ditched her boyfriend Zoltan because we begged her to.

And Gerry, as ever, prefers his animal family to his human one.

I have given up searching for love, so with all my new free time I'm thinking of learning the harp or getting a cello between my legs.

♪ ♪ Time just for me.

It is gorgeous here.

♪ ♪ (bird honking) I can see it, Gerry.

He followed me.

(honking) Infuriating.

That's what you said about most of them.

Scorpions don't follow people home.

I have nobody.

I feel like a dog without an owner.

You are a terrific young woman, Margo.

You don't need someone to own you.

Thank you, lonely spinster.

I am neither.

I'm a, a busy widow.

Ugh, even worse.

Look at this letter.

(dog whimpers, Larry groans) I think I heard a crack!

Endless sodding animals!

I've broken my leg!

Unlikely, darling.

I just wrote to my aunt that we're all happy.

(groaning) Where's Leslie?

I'll show you.

(groaning in pain) (Larry continues to groan) (indistinct talking, laughing) Well, life hasn't showered Leslie with gifts, he's allowed a girlfriend.

So, that's Daphne.

Hello, Daphne-- No, no, no, no, no, it's not her.

He's got three girls.

(grunts) I found these in his secret nook.

He's made the mistake of photographing his victims.

So what do you expect me to do about it?

I don't know.

(sighs) Ooh, nice cardie.

Oh, God they look like trouble.

♪ ♪ (squeaking) ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ (cicadas chirping) Well, tell your publisher that you won't use a pseudonym.

LARRY: I've got no choice.

My last novel did so badly my name is commercial leprosy.

LOUISA: A pseudonym is when you use a name that isn't yours because...

I know what a pseudonym is.

Don't confuse boredom with ignorance.

Oh, please, Margo, get a ruddy hobby.

LESLIE: Evening.

Is it true you have three girlfriends?

Yes, it is.

(laughing) And do they all know about each other?

No, they don't.

(Larry chuckles) I can't help thinking one would be simpler.

This makes up for all the time I had no girlfriends.

If you average it out, I have one girlfriend.

Lots of animals mate for life.

Yeah, that's what I'm going for.

Me too.

He doesn't mean they mate constantly throughout their life.

GERRY: Have only one mate their whole life.

Otters, penguins, the prairie vole.

Yeah, well, I'm not a prairie vole, I'm me.

It would be nice to meet your friends.

Oh, no.

No, I don't want you sticking your oar in.

LARRY: Hermione will, she's coming back.

It's weed on you.

LESLIE: She's coming back again?

Why?

LOUISA: Warmth, renewal, her friend, Mr. Anestis.

(chuckling) In fact she's planning to stay permanently.

♪ ♪ (sighs) ♪ ♪ (Larry groans) (Lugaretzia speaking Greek) (goat bleating) My niece Dionisia is Leslie girlfriend.

Soon he will be family.

I'm afraid you're jumping ahead.

Leslie is seeing three girls.

He... (screams painfully) Do you really think it's broken?

Yes.

All right, I'll fetch the doctor.

♪ ♪ MARGO: As you insist, I've chosen a hobby.

Oh, good.

Making sculptures out of soap.

What?

Well, it seems stupid, but so do a lot of things.

Like hockey and feet.

And testicles.

(flamingo honking) Is that the same flamingo?

Yes.

(sighs) ♪ ♪ (Adonis crying) Oh, dear.

Florence!

It's actually your husband I wanted to see.

Larry's got a...

Hold this.

Oh.

(crying continues) Little Adonis.

Isn't he a sweetie.

Fatuous bloody name.

Not so much Adonis, more a Dennis.

No, he's... he's bonny.

(Adonis stops crying) Leslie was a monstrous troll of a baby.

He's not exactly Clark Gable now.

(items on table rustling) Florence, it will get easier.

You waited so long for this baby.

So, what's happened to Larry?

Well, he thinks he's fractured his leg, tripping over the dog.

They kept him quiet for all of three seconds.

These might be a bit sharp.

Oh, boo hoo.

Well, I can't help, my husband's in Kavos.

They have a backlog of cases.

Dr. Frangos is working.

I'm a better doctor than Dr. Frangos.

Larry needs an x-ray more than a doctor.

And where could he get one of those?

Athens, Naples.

Turn left out the house, try Istanbul.

This is ridiculous!

Yes, it is.

But Larry is no stranger to accidents and illnesses.

He obviously likes the attention.

You may not be interested in being a good parent, but I am.

So I'll try another way.

And I'm sorry you don't think Leslie's handsome, but he has three girlfriends.

Do you have any remedies for excess libido?

Childbirth.

(honking) ♪ ♪ Mrs. Durrell, founder of a dynasty, what a pleasure.

How delightful to find someone who isn't grumpy or cross with me.

Well, yes, there's lots of crossness, even on a Greek island.

Because they have no Thermocyclops to keep them happy.

Mm.

He's in here, is he?

Several hundred of them.

It's more of a soup, really.

Mm.

But it's Larry I'm here about.

He suspects he's broken his leg.

Oh, dear.

With all due respect to him, is it real, or one of his fictions?

I don't know, but it hurts.

Florence can't help, and there's no back-up.

You have medical training-- what can I do?

I'd love to help, but I didn't qualify as a doctor.

Besides, who else will monitor the Thermocyclops and other copepods?

Well, that's one defective son.

On to the next.

LOUISA: Hello, Spiros!

Mrs. Durrells.

(Spiros strumming instrument) Home?

Yes, please.

I would walk, but I have a favor to ask.

Anything.

This is one occasion where I wish I had a husband.

Or at least Leslie had a father.

Would you explain to him why it's wrong to be promiscuous?

That's mating with too many ladies?

Um, yes.

But we tend to say "mating" only for animals.

Hmm, what would you say?

I don't know.

(car starting) ♪ ♪ Leslie, Spiros would like a word.

(pelican honking) Gerry, I said no more.

We don't have the food or the room, I'm sorry I'm going to release one.

No!

I'm researching if their color will change if I alter their diet.

(sighs) (goat bleating faintly) (pelican grunts) At your age, with the girls, I was like a cat in a mouse house.

Happy times.

Were yours pretty?

Mine are so pretty.

(laughing) Yes, one was incredibly, what's the word... uh... busty?

Yeah, yeah, busty.

I can't tell you how busty.

Are you sure you can't?

(both laughing) SPIROS: Enjoy it, enjoy it while you can, be... ...cause... um, so to recap, what are you doing?

Huh?

The love of one good woman... is nice... and... Pelican tart for supper.

And Gerry will be releasing some of his pets.

Please do the same, Leslie.

Or I will.

(bees buzzing) I'm buying more goats from Sven.

Their cheese always does well.

But we need to sell more.

Ooh!

It's boring being paupers.

I'd love a porpoise.

So I'm putting you in charge of animal produce.

That way you'll be among animals, but useful ones.

Still no milk from her?

No.

Sven loves his goats, but when they come to the end of their working lives... We don't slaughter people who retire.

Animals aren't people.

And you merrily eat meat someone else has killed.

You're right.

From now on, I'm a vegetarian.

Gerry, I am not cooking two different meals.

Theo!

Mrs. Durrell, Professor Durrell.

I've brought you a leopard-spotted gecko.

LOUISA: Ooh.

Found in a crate of Indian mangoes.

Thank you!

Look at that!

(bitterly): I'll see if I can milk it, so we can make some money.

I just wanted a word with your mother.

Hmm.

Our chat earlier sparked a crisis of conscience in me.

Am I more useful improving health on Corfu than scrutinizing mollusks?

Yes, you are.

Of course mollusks are vital links in the complex chain of life.

(giggles): Hmm, I don't care.

But what will you do?

I have an idea of how to help Larry.

I'm going to the mainland to investigate.

Thank you, Theo.

LARRY: Across Europe Aunty strides, like the Mongol hordes, but wearing more talcum powder.

(chuckles) What's your sculpture of?

Wouldn't you like to know?

Yes, I'm agog to know what you're making out of shards of old soap.

Which pseudonym do you prefer: Hieronymus Schmoop or Tom Orange?

MARGO: It depends, do you want to sound like a pretentious ponce or a simpleton?

Pretentious ponce.

Oh.

You remember which of your stable of ladies you're meeting?

Yes.

You can't keep all three.

Well, I can.

Tell us why you like each one.

Well, Daphne's so confident.

(muttering in Greek) Sometimes me and her have a right old shouting match.

And Tsanta is really gentle and kind.

And Dionisia made us laugh so much once we wet ourselves, she is such fun.

I know it's hard to find one person who gives you everything but... Yeah, exactly.

(door closes) (typewriter clacking) (knocking) You managed to get up the stairs, then.

If you hadn't hidden the booze, I'd have danced up.

How did I not know that Leslie's been accumulating girlfriends?

Well, we all need secrets.

I've got some absolute humdingers.

Yes, but you're not Les.

He needs special care.

Ideally, but I'd spend all day with him, like a bodyguard.

Five yards behind, pointing out hazards.

He has three girlfriends, not three landmines.

They're people.

He's not good with people.

He is good with things.

Yes, he's very good with things.

All parents have one child that they fear for.

You know the one who gets bitten, or rejected, or the one who chooses bad friends.

Or falls off Bournemouth pier.

Please try not to get involved.

Well, what am I here for?

He's heading for disaster.

It's his first ballet class all over again.

You're going to tell him who to pick.

I would never do that.

What are you planning then?

To protect my most vulnerable child.

(birds chirping) I've forgiven you for acting like Jack the lad with Leslie, because I'm afraid I need your help again.

Mrs. Durrells, I love to help.

And your family gives me so many chances.

I now know the names and whereabouts of his three girlfriends.

So we're going to go and find out what they're like.

(door closes) Why?

Well, Leslie has a history of making bad choices.

But I can't bear to watch him do it again and have his heart broken.

I remember, his first girlfriend cheated on him.

He sobbed into my arms.

I wanted to kill her.

Is this his revenge?

No.

It's love of women.

I can think of bigger sins.

(engine starting, shifting gear) (panting) ♪ ♪ Is this the one who laughs with Leslie until they wet themselves?

No, that's Dionisia.

Hm.

And once, I don't think it's a regular thing.

Kalimera.

Kalimera.

Daphne?

Yes.

I'm your friend Leslie's mother.

He mentioned you, and we were passing.

I wondered if you'd seen him?

I think you come to see how I look.

Yes, very confident.

No, no, besides, who cares about looks?

I do.

Actually I do too.

Leslie looks strong, but he's surprisingly delicate.

No, he is not, you are wrong.

Have you met Spiros?

Yes.

(door closes) LESLIE: Aunt Hermione doesn't dawdle, does she?

Look, she's reached Venice.

Maybe she'll catch cholera like Gustav von Aschenbach.

"Death in Venice"?

It's a book...

It's a book, of course it is.

Look, I'll tell you why it's a bad idea to have three girlfriends.

Because it's three more than you have?

A, one day you'll call them by the other girl's name.

B, they'll find out you're cheating, despise you, and dump you.

I haven't lied to them about anything.

Spoken like a cheap lawyer.

C, Mother isn't happy, D-- Let's do the whole alphabet!

D, if you had one girlfriend-- I know, boring-- and she had two other men, how would you feel?

And...

If you say E, I'll kick your bad leg.

(groans) R?

Ugh, I give up.

Do what you want.

Yeah, we know it hurts.

And it says here a broken limb can become deformed if not set properly.

(sighs) Why, why don't I make you a plaster cast?

Because you're not a doctor.

Well, I delivered Lugaretzia's granddaughter, so I practically am.

(mimicking): I practically am.

♪ ♪ (brakes squealing) Yassas.

Yassas.

Sorry to disturb you, are you Tsanta?

Yes, I am.

I'm Mrs. Durrell, your friend Leslie's mother.

Oh.

What a pretty blush.

Mr. Halikiopoulos and I were just passing.

Weren't we?

Okay.

Leslie said you helped out here, and, well, I've always wanted to visit this church.

Haven't I, Spiros?

Yes, I had to tell her, "Stop going on and on and on about it."

Well, I didn't go on and on about it.

I am very pleased to meet you.

I see why Leslie loves his mother.

Well, you go straight into the lead!

The lead?

Gerry!

This has an animal theme, so you should see it first.

Golly.

A seagull?

Pelican.

What's it eating?

Leslie.

(men speaking Greek) (car horn honking, brakes squealing) Yassas.

Yassas.

You are Dionisia?

Nai.

Leslie's mother, Mrs. Durrells.

He mentioned you.

We were just passing.

(speaking Greek) She doesn't speak English.

Oh.

So how did they make each other laugh?

(speaking Greek) (speaking Greek) Mind your own business.

LOUISA: So what does she like about Leslie?

(speaking Greek) Hmm.

(speaking Greek) He is silly.

(speaking Greek) (speaking Greek) Hm.

If anyone's silly, you're silly.

You want my opinion of the ladies?

I think I've made my own mind up.

Daphne's tough because her father is a gangster.

What?!

Well, why didn't you say?

You can't pick your daddy.

Dionisia, I think, lives for now and does what comes naturally.

Tsanta is a sweet peasant girl who keeps her knees together.

You're guessing.

Yes, but I knew her mother well.

Of course you did.

I just want Leslie to find someone who'll, who'll love him, like I loved my husband.

So, what now?

I talk to Leslie and tell him who he should choose.

You... are family of Lugaretzia.

Lugaretzia?

(all mimicking moaning) Stop it now, that's really mean.

♪ ♪ Where do you get your confidence from?

A little shop in Corfu-Town.

You're doing all right.

Girls are... (exhales) I always feel like they're in charge.

You know, that they know more than me.

Of course they say to stop being overawed by someone, imagine them naked.

I already do that with these girls.

Ah.

In fact, they noticed and told me not to.

The way I see it, there's sex, and then there's actual love.

Mmm.

Yin and yang.

Two Chinese girls I used to know, very different.

Ah.

Right.

The first time I touched a woman... you know, in that way...

Yes, I know that way.

Yeah.

I realized nothing would ever be the same again.

You're opening up a can of worms.

Right.

♪ ♪ (birds chirping) I could tell Gerry wasn't convinced, so I redid it.

Larry says it's very Dada.

You need to find a job.

Another time.

I need more soap.

Well, we can't afford it.

(struggling) Plaster cast.

Want to sign it?

Just try to keep it erudite.

Who did it?

Les.

It does hurt less, but it is rather heavy.

So, you made Larry a cast.

Yeah.

Of cement.

No.

Plaster of Paris.

Oh, Leslie, I dropped in on all of your girlfriends.

So that obviously took quite a while.

Why did you?!

Well, because I haven't met them.

I worry about you.

Well, you didn't mention any of my oddities, did you?

No.

They're all very pretty.

(Larry struggling) Tsanta's lovely.

Choose her.

Sorry, Lugaretzia.

Invite Tsanta round for tea, and, well, we'll all kick off our shoes and get to know each other better.

No.

I'm trying to save you some heartache.

Having three times the normal number of girlfriends cannot end well.

Stop interfering!

I'm trying to run a tight ship and keep them all happy!

(door opens, closes) (goat bleating) Don't all glower at me.

Well, it's not gone brilliantly, has it?

Now you've alienated Leslie.

I'm getting involved.

I understand women.

MARGO: You don't.

You picked Vasilia.

Imagine getting stuck with an in-law like her.

Or your Zoltan.

You only hate him because he's a Turk.

No, 'cause he's a Burke.

Now, come one, I know what I'm doing.

LARRY: You don't.

Yes, give up.

I'll pick the right girl.

No, I will.

Leslie said Daphne loves dogs.

Dionisia work in a bakery.

Free bread.

♪ ♪ Well, I wouldn't kick any of them out of bed.

Dionisia is the best.

My family.

Yeah, she looks fun, I'm backing her.

No, she's just like Leslie's first girlfriend who was unfaithful to him.

Love is a whirlpool.

Some drown.

But Tsanta's kind.

And her English is good.

Dionisia only speaks Greek.

This is Greece, no?

(goat bleating) Les needs a strong woman.

No, you mean you do.

You can tell Daphne doesn't take any bull.

I'll make sure Leslie picks her.

How are we going to do that?

♪ ♪ (honking) (goat bleating) (flamingos honking) Gerry, they hate me.

Get rid of them.

GERRY: Flamingos don't like being looked in the eye, I told you.

See them in the wild.

Do you know why they stand on one leg?

For a bet?

I don't know.

Nor do I.

No one does, not until we study them some more, And it's easier here.

For once will you listen to me?

Leslie doesn't, Larry doesn't, and, well, Margo's got a brain like a room full of starlings.

I know where I can get starlings.

Now listen, Gerry.

No more creatures.

(birds squawking) Hello, Margo, good timing, I'm just back from Athens.

Oh, good.

Theo, do you have any soap?

Yes, I do.

May I have it, please?

I may need to wash at some point.

(bird chirping) Are you trying the ancient craft of soap sculpture?

Originally from Siam, I believe.

You really are a brainbox, aren't you?

What were you doing in Athens?

I can't say yet.

It's very exciting!

As exciting as a family torn apart by a choice between three women?

Leslie's girlfriends.

Apparently it's like "King Lear."

Except Les hasn't got a kingdom to give away.

Gosh.

I wouldn't have expected that from Leslie.

I see him more as a Bottom.

The Shakespearean character Bottom, not the bottom.

Ah.

Thank you so much.

Come on, Theo, spit it out.

♪ ♪ Mrs. Petridis has opened up a spare room for me.

(Adonis babbling) What do you think?

♪ ♪ A photography studio.

Sort of.

A radiography unit, x-rays.

A phenomenal diagnostic tool.

People are suffering and dying needlessly here.

Theo, this is wonderful.

(crashing) (Adonis wailing) If you need me, I'll be next door, asleep in a pool of my own tears.

(birds chirping, Larry grunting) Why has our neighbor got a wheelchair?

GERRY: His toes went black and had to be cut off.

Wait-- jar.

(rustling, animal noises) Come on, handsome.

You heard what Mother said.

I have a plan.

Hello.

Herete.

Herete.

You are very pretty and nice.

Leslie must be with you.

You are the most jolly.

We need more fun in our family and modern fashion, like yours.

(people speaking outside) (speaking Greek) Leslie is very funny.

I don't think it's deliberate.

(insects chirping) Kalimera.

(Larry struggling) Daphne?

Yes.

We're Leslie's brothers.

We're just passing, came along to say hello.

GERRY: Larry needs an outing every once in a while or he gets grumpy.

I've never seen one that big.

Oh, thank you.

I hear that a lot.

Before we chat, I am available, if you prefer me to Leslie.

No.

Good, that was a test.

Why do you like Leslie?

DAPHNE: He is a good person.

Leslie thinks about me.

Yes, when he has time.

But we're here to advise you how to win Leslie over.

I have already won him over.

Well... Not quite.

Pretend to love guns and shooting.

GERRY: Oh, and he hates books.

So say you don't like them.

And come to tea on Sunday.

So we all think of you as Leslie's girlfriend.

(Larry struggling) Hello, Tsanta.

Mrs. Durrells.

You come to see the church again?

No, I've come to see you.

Oh.

(grunting) ♪ ♪ LARRY: Is Mother out?

Yes.

Thank you, driver.

(insects chirping) (bird cooing) ♪ ♪ Go on!

One in, one out.

Shoo, shoo.

Shoo, go on!

Shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo!

LARRY: You know Hitler's a vegetarian, Gerry.

LOUISA: And like you, he writes books.

Hmm, he sounds all right then.

Your hands are filthy.

Margo's used all the soap.

(snorts) Enjoy the chicken, everyone, since Gerry's shooed all ours away.

You said to get rid of some animals.

(utensils clattering) That is hilarious, be fair.

Delicious.

And no one was killed.

Good day at the orifice?

Leg still feeling good?

You're most welcome.

It's bearable, thanks to the booze I managed to smuggle past the guard.

(struggling) LOUISA: Leslie's less strong-minded than he seems.

He needs help and reassurance.

And sometimes we forget to give it.

So you can do that.

Because that will make him love you, even more.

Thank you.

You are very nice.

(footsteps) My latest, Larry's idea.

It's Hydra the serpent-woman with three heads.

Hello, I'm Margo, Leslie's sister and emotional adviser.

You must be Tsanta.

Are you sure you like Les?

He's a lot of trouble.

No, he's not.

Go away.

(birds chirping) Where is Leslie?

I told him to be here at 5:00 for Sunday tea.

Oh, God!

It's a bit of England we've brought with us.

That and sarcasm.

And a fear of emotions.

(car horn honking) SPIROS: Guest for tea!

(car door closing) Excuse me.

Excuse me.

I bring my niece for the 5:00 tea, like you say.

(awkwardly): Ooh... lovely.

Well, let's have it over here.

You'll be a bit drafty in this dress, Dionisia.

I'll lend you a scarf.

Ignore her, you look stunning.

LUGARETZIA: She is pretty.

My family usually is not pretty.

I'll bring Leslie right over.

Where is he?

Good question.

I'll go and look for him.

Why did you bring Dionisia?

I'm just the driver.

I couldn't say no.

(Larry struggling) My leg is hot and veering to the left.

I want this cast off, now!

I have tools.

Dionisia has arrived.

We have to keep her and Tsanta apart.

And Daphne's coming any minute.

What?!

I didn't know you were bringing all the contestants.

There's Daphne.

She's the best one for Les.

Give up now.

She's much better than the nun woman.

She's not a nun.

It's not fair on Leslie, finding them all here.

You wanted him to choose, now's his chance.

Like a beauty parade.

Or police lineup.

Ah, Daphne.

Well, what a surprise.

Hello.

It's terribly hot, isn't it?

No No.

Even so, let's go indoors and have tea.

♪ ♪ (sighs): I don't know where Leslie is.

Shall we...?

There.

LOUISA: Oh.

Uh, excuse me.

Leslie?

Leslie!

Don't approach the house.

Why not?

Because Larry is one saw stroke away from having his foot lopped off.

Well, I wouldn't want to miss that.

No, darling... (sighs) (struggling): Why did Leslie...?

SPIROS: Your foot's stuck.

(Larry talking indistinctly) (Larry groaning) (sighs): What's all this, then?

Hello, Leslie.

Hello.

Hello, Leslie.

Yes.

(Larry groaning) Who are these girls?

They're just mates.

(Larry groaning) Daphne-- old Daffers.

I've no idea who she is.

"Larry is a bastard..." Well, who wrote that?

And a "Bigfoot Bighead."

Come on!

There's your pseudonym.

This family is a disgrace!

Spiros!

Saw off the leg, nobody cares.

I'm sorry, Greek people.

(horse whinnying) AUNT HERMIONE: Do I hear the language of Shakespeare?

MARGO: Aunt Hermione!

Greetings.

Why are you always early?!

(horse snorting) I opted to skip Foggia.

Don't shout.

Oh, Auntie, thank goodness you're here.

Mm.

Please sort out the children.

And as you can't decide which of your girlfriends you prefer, Aunt Hermione will do it.

Right here, right now.

♪ ♪ (horse snorting) See, I wouldn't dream of policing anybody's family or romantic life.

When it comes to love, we're all beginners.

See, my visits here have taught me that the world is too lovely a place to be a dictatorship.

Honor others, be kind, but obey only the whisperings of your own soul.

(goat bleating) What is that?

Oh, do you like it?

I could do you one if you want.

With fewer heads, or, or more heads.

(horse snorts) LOUISA: Auntie, you used to be so blunt and clear about everything.

Well, my dear, this place has changed me.

I'm like a dog who wonders why she spent so long barking.

Leslie, I'm sorry your dilemma was so publicly exposed.

But better to live excessively than not live at all.

Anyway, I'm glad to be among you again.

LARRY: Welcome back.

We've been following your return on a map.

Yes, it's been a long journey.

Now I've learnt to say "Where the hell are we?"

in six European languages (chuckles) so I'm going for a swim.

Sorry I shouted before.

I just don't want to remember Corfu as the place that destroyed my leg.

Theo's just set up an x-ray unit.

He says Mother's inspired him.

What?

LARRY: Why didn't you tell me this before?

Spiros, please take me there now.

Well, it's not ready yet.

Theo's still working out what the knobs do.

Well, I'll sit and wait until he has.

I'm coming too.

Leslie...

I promise we weren't trying to humiliate you.

What have I done?

(car door closing) You are good, Leslie.

(chuckles sadly) Yeah, I'm not though, am I?

I'm horrible.

No.

(engine starting) Thank you.

But I don't want to see you anymore.

She was the nicest of them.

That's why I brought her here.

Leslie, I have one thing to do, and that's make sure four children are happy.

I really was just trying to help you.

I know I shouldn't have had three girlfriends, but...

I was just waiting for natural wastage, as they realized I'm not that special.

But you are, Leslie.

In your way.

With my plan, I'd have been left with the keenest one, least likely to cheat on me.

Now I have nobody.

But you will.

Somewhere out there there's a girl who will cherish you and love you even more than I do.

And I will look at the two of you with joy, and my work will be done.

(voice breaking): No, I'll just stay at home with you.

(softly): Oh, Leslie.

You are a kind, sweet boy.

(footsteps on stairs) (birds squawking) (door opens, Larry cries) SPIROS: You're marking the tiles!

LARRY: I can't lift it up!

(moaning) (Larry screaming, objects falling) (crying) LARRY: Help us, Theo.

(Adonis crying) (groans) LARRY: Theo!

(Larry groaning) Hello... X-ray me, doc.

Give me the bad news.

The equipment's not ready.

And I'm not a doctor, though I did buy myself a stethoscope and a mask.

He's not leaving until you do it.

Can you x-ray him through concrete?

What do you think?

Huh?

What do you think?

Dr. Petridis must have some special tools.

Yes, he has.

(Adonis crying, Florence shushing) Here we are.

(Florence struggling) (groaning in pain) (clipping, groaning) I haven't had much sleep, but I seem to be weirdly strong.

It's okay, have a sit down.

Let's have a sit down.

My husband's away, you know?

Yes, we do!

I can't even look after my own baby.

(Adonis cooing) How did you do that?

I've slept, so I'm more relaxed than you.

Babies sense these things.

Don't they?

(Margo chuckles, Adonis cooing) Can I suggest a technique I use while making my soap sculpture?

Thank you for coming.

I didn't need much excuse.

Wimborne Minster has been very dank.

Are you planning to see your Greek gentleman, Mr. Anestis?

Yes.

But if I don't settle here, I also have two suitors in East Dorset.

So I can hardly criticize Leslie.

I've done that enough in the past.

Well, it's obvious now: I've given up my love life, so I've turned my attention to my children's.

You are a resourceful mother to a platoon of strong-minded children.

Enjoy them without judging.

Judging's the only fun I get.

You know better than me: good parenting isn't about meddling in your children's lives, it's about loving them.

(Larry groans) SPIROS: Ssh, ssh, ssh.

LARRY: It's softening.

Try the shears again.

(Larry whimpering) (Larry groans) Your turn.

SPIROS: Oh, come on Larry.

(clippers clattering) (Larry groaning) (Larry screaming) THEO: We're nearly there.

(Larry screaming) Come on!

Can you wipe my face, please?

(Larry groaning) Thank you, thank you, thank you.

(sighs) ♪ ♪ Hey, Les.

Sorry about you and your women.

At least you know it would have never worked with Tsanta.

'Cause Tsanta only comes once a year.

I hope Theo says your leg is twisted and broken and you never walk again.

Sibling discord?

Is this possible?

Sorry.

Sorry.

Oh, don't mutter apologies-- expand, explain, share.

I was being insensitive.

It's one of my strengths.

Good-- stop that then, dear.

Leslie?

I'm just sad.

And a bit relieved.

I thought I was enjoying it, but having three girlfriends is like... trying to ride three bikes.

Anyway, all will be well.

The girls clearly like you.

How could they not?

LOUISA: Go and settle things with Daphne and Dionisia.

Tell the one you love the most that she's the only one for you.

(birds clucking) LOUISA: Oh, Margo, time for a new hobby?

Spaghetti-weaving?

Banana-bending?

MARGO: No, I'm moving on.

I'll see you at the doctor's in an hour.

I have a plan.

Well, everyone else has had one.

(birds honking) LOUISA: I'm sorry if I don't always... appreciate your animal collecting.

(honking) Don't they miss being with their friends?

I'm their friend.

(honking) Oh.

Don't look them in the eye.

Oh.

(birds honking) Also good advice with lawyers, of course.

That's for him.

I'll release them when I've seen if their color will change according to what I feed them.

(honking) (Louisa laughs) (flamingo feeding) He's doing it!

He's eating from my bowl!

(delighted chuckling) (footsteps approaching, knock on door) Dr. Stephanides.

As I say, I'm not actually a doctor.

But why not, I look like one.

Theo, you've done it.

You've actually made a difference.

I have the results of my first x-ray, of one Lawrence Durrell.

But I should only show the patient.

Don't worry about that.

Oh, we'll tell him.

I don't know if you can see there.

Oh.

Uh... oh, yes, gosh!

Uh... Look... leg.

Tibia, fibula.

We can see clearly that Larry has broken his... record for how low his pain threshold is.

I suspect he has a torn muscle.

(Florence sighs) He's asleep.

Oh, Florence.

I'm worried about you.

How are you?

Oh, it's very aging, isn't it, parenting.

MARGO: Don't worry.

I'm coming to work for you both as a radiography assistant-cum-nanny.

That was my plan.

I'm good with people and babies, I need to be useful for a change, and I like seeing men with their clothes off.

Pay me what you can afford.

Right, let's organize.

Right.

Florence, you've got vomit on your shoulder.

Oh.

(cicadas chirping) I don't think she's going to turn up.

Sorry.

Where's Aunt Hermione?

Out for drinks with Suitor Number One.

We love Aunt Hermione now.

Mm, she's a good sort.

She didn't see that, did she?

Yes, she did.

And I told her you did it.

(knock on door, opens) Hello.

(speaking Greek) (Greek continues) Yes.

I am pleased to be here.

(all chuckling happily) Oh.

Ooh, gosh.

Fresh bread.

From the bakery.

Very pretty.

Yeah.

Well, I hope you'll all enjoy your vegetarian meal.

Gorgeous.

Ambrosial.

AUNT HERMIONE: Oh, evening, everyone.

Good evening, Auntie.

Auntie!

Mr. Anestis sends his-- oh, what are they-- regards.

(Aunt Hermione chuckling) LARRY: Well.

I know you're all desperate to know which pseudonym I chose for my next novel.

Is it Iva Perfectly-Goodleg?

No.

It's Charles Norden.

(cicadas chirping) I'll fetch the meat.

No, Auntie, there isn't...

It's fine, I'm happy to get it.

(struggling with oven) Oh.

Auntie reminded me last night...

I did?

...that all that matters is that we love each other, and we let each other know, in whatever way we find possible.

I do it by protecting us all with my guns.

LARRY: I'll dedicate my next book to you all.

We promise we'll try not to torture you so much in future.

Pass the vegetables, please.

LARRY: Auntie.

You like tomato?

MARGO: Is there enough food for... MARGO: Don't hold back, Gerry.

♪ ♪ DIONISIA: I already liked you more.

(laughing) (indistinct chatter) So, now we are seven.

♪ ♪ LINNEY: Next time, on "Masterpiece."

LESLIE: How do you split up nicely from a girlfriend?

Please be mine again.

No.

LARRY: This is a noble sacrifice.

Why are we staring at the wall?

GERRY: It's alive.

Please look after my children while I'm away.

Agree to marry my daughter.

LINNEY: "The Durrells in Corfu," next time, on "Masterpiece."

(singing in Greek) ANNOUNCER: Go to the "Masterpiece" website.

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(singing in Greek)