A quarter of children in the US have become estranged with one or both of their parents.

Fathers in particular, are more likely to be cut off from their kids.

Coming up on “Our Time”... Filmmaker Connor Strange attempts to reconnect with an absentee father whom he's idolized since childhood.

Then, in an encore broadcast of “Skinned Knees,” Olive Van Eimeren attempts to reconcile with her dad After a decade of silence.

Young people and fractured families.

Next on “Our Time.” [upbeat music] Why don't people understand me?

I'm tired of running so fast.

I want to be heard.

Why are people afraid?

I'm ready for change.

I hear you.

I see you.

- My time... - My time... Our time is now.

Major funding for this program is provided by: The Lindsay-Brisbin Family Fund, The Russell Grinnell Memorial Trust, Steve and Mary Ann Waldorf, Betsy and Warren Dean, And the H. Chase Stone Charitable Trust.

Additional funding is provided by: Diversus Health, Arts in Society, Think 360 Arts for Learning.

The Joseph Henry Edmondson Foundation, the Bee Vradenburg Foundation, and the CALM Foundation.

My name is Connor.

My last name is Strange.

Connor Strange.

I really like my name.

I█m the only one in my family with the last name “Strange”.

It comes from my bio dad And my one connection to my dad was superheroes.

So if I looked for how to be a good guy... in superheroes, it's kind of also looking for it... in him, you know?

MOM: You were just constantly like... dressing up as things, different variations.

I mean, like... CONNOR: What I dress up as?

Oh my God!

Every superhero ever, and you would combine them all.

You were not obsessed with, like, a superhero... It was just like this idea of them.

CONNOR: I like to shower with the lights off and I sit in the shower and I pretend I'm Batman.

MOM: Do you use a Batman voice?

CONNOR: I DO, I go, I go... “I'm here to save Gotham.” [both laughing] Your dad is your super hero.

Everyone says that.

“Oh, who is your super hero?” “My dad.” You know?

Well, I don't get that.

You know?

I don't get the relationship that my friends have with their dads.

MOM: I mean, we met at a bar.

- Mhmm.

MOM: And, we had only known each other for three months when I got pregnant with you.

I realized how severe of an alcoholic he was.

I had to protect you from that.

By the time you were six months old, I told him that I could not raise you in an environment where he was, going to behave the way he was behaving.

Knowing that he was coming was an event.

That was Christmas to me, was— “Oh, my dad's going to come see me.” Like, that is █ Like, my dad!

And then he would leave, and... it would just be like everything was tearing me up inside.

And I never understood why he had to leave.

I would always think it was a problem with me.

Why can't he just... Stay for me?

Why am I not good enough for you to want me?

He probably stopped visiting when I was in seventh grade, I want to say.

He would be there for the holidays and we would like— He would show up with no Christmas presents for you And we would go buy them.

So that... And say, like, they were from him.

We would... CONNOR: I didn█t know that.

Not all the time.

He did come with a couple a few times.

My family consists of me, my mom, my step dad, Jack, and my little brother Finn.

My step dad, Jack, has been in my life since was two.

That's when he and my mom started dating.

I didn't, like, set out to be a dad to you.

You know, it just kind of, the universe spoke.

You were my little buddy.

What's it like being my little brother?

My personal enjoyment: annoying you for entertainment.

Oh, and also I guess, to show love.

And all that.

- Okay.

Yeah.

JACK: Your mom would go to work at night and I put you to bed, and then I'd work on my masters at night.

And then she'd come home, and then I'd get up and go to work.

And we did that for a while.

Because I wanted to take care of you.

MOM: He put himself... CONNOR: In the backseat.

MOM: Dead last.

CONNOR: Yeah.

And he sat there and just made room for your biological father to come in whenever he chose, like that was what I asked from him.

He wasn't my dad, I didn't view him as that.

He wasn't.

I had a dad and he was my stepdad.

He was Jack.

He wasn't my dad.

But he is my— - You called him Daddy Jack forever.

I know.

He█s kinda like a... A fatherly roommate, right?

[laughing] Actually, I... Do you have any questions for me about my dad?

What's his job?

CONNOR: Oh, I don't know.

I have no clue.

I think he's, I think he's a bartender or something.

I don't even know if he has a job.

I'll be honest.

I have not talked to him in a while.

If anything, I think I want closure... From...if I talk to him.

MOM: Right.

Because I'm going to set, you know, a lot of boundaries.

I think you need to reach out because you need to verbalize some things to him.

*I* am not too confident in his ability to handle This.

I think he runs.

I'm feeling relieved in a lot of ways.

I'm feeling, kind of anxious too just cause, I'm about to, you know, reach out to my dad.

The last time I had contact with him was in December.

[phone ringing] [deep exhale] DAD: Hello?

Hello?

DAD: Hey.

- Hey.

DAD: I█ve actually been thinking about you quite a lot.

Yeah.

Well, me too.

I got accepted into the Youth Documentary Academy.

DAD: Cool.

CONNOR: Yeah.

DAD: Do you have a...an idea for what your documentary is going to be, or are you...?

CONNOR: Yeah.

That's kind of a part of the reason I called is that, I think...documenting my process of trying to... kind of salvage a relationship with you And so — DAD: Okay.

- I was actually calling to see if... if you would... if, if you would... be interested in getting... interviewed?

DAD: Honestly, to tell you the truth... That would be just fine with me.

- Yeah?

DAD: ‘Cause... I think about you... every single day, and have always wondered where it got lost?

Connor?

Yeah?

DAD: No, I'm sorry, I just... I'm embarrassed because you, you called me first and then that's why I'm embarrassed of myself.

CONNOR: This is the first step, I think.

DAD: Yeah.

And just let me know like what would work for you.

I'll make it work.

Alright, I'll talk to you later.

CONNOR: I do know he loves me.

But it's the actions that speak louder.

And so I wanted to give him an oppertunity... on my terms... to kind of reconnect.

[knocking] PHONE: Please leave your message.

Um— [answering maching beeps] Hey, uh... We have been waiting here for, like, an hour and 30 minutes.

You've been here since nine.

I've knocked, like... Probably like 12 times.

I've called you a bunch.

I think we're gonna head back.

Yeah.

This was█ This was really important to me.

So, yeah.

But, yeah, we're... we're headed home, I think.

It sucked.

I felt stupid.

I honestly felt really dumb for getting my hopes up.

I honestly just wanted to see him again.

Like, if anything.

I didn't care how the interview went.

I just kind of wanted to... Have that — Give myself that oppertunity.

And it didn't happen.

CONNOR: I put all of this... Importance and like... idolization on him... For things that you guys were doing and like... and like protecting me and like— JACK: But you're seven, man.

Now that you're 18, now you can like, you have a vocabulary to talk about it with.

We were at King Soopers, and I don't know what, but we were arguing about something, and I told you, I said, I don't have to listen to you because you are not my dad.

It's something I cannot like, forget ‘cause... I regret it so much.

I don't remember that, but I do know that, like it would have bothered me for a second.

You were my muse.

What do you mean?

JACK: You were the reason I kept learning.

I knew if I kept learning, I kept developing myself.

I'd land a job similar to what I have now, That would provide for us.

And you know what?

And HE missed out.

He missed out on all this stuff.

You know what I'm saying?

I love you.

- I love you.

CONNOR: I really do recognize like how much you've done for me and how much you█ve gone through.

You ARE my actual real life superhero.

MOM: Is it weird that you're kind of my superhero, too?

I don't know, I think it█s... I have the pictures to prove it.

A hero is many things.

A hero can run fast, a hero can fly, But hero also encourages you to get your homework on time.

A hero is also the one cheering your name and supporting you, even when you don't think you're doing a good job.

I was always looking for a hero, But I think I was actually just looking in the wrong place.

The Youth Documentary Academy empowers young filmmakers to identify and craft their own stories through intensive training and mentorship in the art of documentary film.

[upbeat piano] OLIVE: A concave, spiraling anxiety centers itself in the pit of your gut.

The longer you think about it, the tighter that feeling gets.

You try to center it into your toes.

Pedaling as the air sings through your laces, but you can't help but ponder gravity and how easily gravel carves elbows.

[singing from car radio] OLIVE: How did you feel when I said I wanted to go to Grand Junction?

This time would come.

He may not be able to handle it and get up and walk out.

About him being a father.

He hasn't been, Olive.

Be strong and be who you are.

Don't be afraid because that's what I always was.

Was afraid.

Don't be afraid of him.

I've been color coding my questions for Tim.

Kind of just like on level of difficulty.

If he gets mad and, like, walks out and leaves, then he gets mad, you know?

And I honestly feel like that's kind of expected.

OLIVE: It█s weird, like, seeing you again.

TIM: I know.

Four or five years?

Um, almost eight.

Jesus.

Yeah.

You have a dog, right?

TIM: Yeah.

Coop?

Yeah.

Have you seen him?

I saw pictures on Instagram.

Yeah, yeah.

TIM: Yeah.

OLIVE: He█s cute.

He's a good boy.

My furry angel.

Yeah.

So was it hard to do this?

Yeah, um... I'm... I█m pretty nervous.

TIM: Yeah, I am, too.

- Yeah.

Yeah.

TIM: Especially with the camera thing, but- OLIVE: I know.

I'm sorry.

- That█s...no, I mean... - Yeah.

Whatever I can do to help.

Yeah.

I just... I just wanted to see you.

Yeah, me too.

I don't want to be like having, like, kind of a nice time.

And then all of a sudden, I'm like, So why did you hurt my family?

Like, this kind of thing?

And like, how can- I don█t know, how can someone even, like, respond to that kind of question?

At the same time, it kind of felt like I wanted to tell him about my life It's kind of crazy how like, the five senses can really kick in to memory.

And then after the interview, we went over to my old house on Chapita.

I don't know.

After that, like the second half of the day, it█s just been really nice, you know?

I mean, there's some parts that I really want to hide from that really scare me about this place that I don't like to remember.

And then there's other things that are just really just, like, wholesome and comforting about this place, because, like, I grew up here, you know?

I think I mean, we can, like, go in the backyard and start filming and then we can go in the apartment.

I know we can't film in there, but... - Okay.

And you guys can go in the apartment, too.

They don't care about that.

Olive and I were really, really, really tight for years when she was a little girl and especially after the divorce and I kind of became the male figure in her life.

OLIVE: I thought, yeah, we had like a whole tea set - Yeah.

Mom would like make tea.

And we'd have like the sugar cube... [sentimental music] OLIVE: I had a lot of memories in the backyard.

- Yeah.

There's a lot of pictures of, like, Tim planting flowers.

He really liked flowers.

So there's like a whole bunch of gardening things I remember.

And then I remember the bucket with the fairy houses a lot.

HEATHER: When you came along, I was -- I remember Linda because she had come into the picture by now and basically said, you know, give me a call when you need a good lawyer.

And I was like, You're just the ex-wife.

You just want me out of the picture.

Not taking it is seriously.

And it wasn't it wasn't a week And I called her and said, I need some help.

The night that he realized he was going to have to sell the restaurant, he just went off the rails.

He put his hand through the window.

He fell onto the floor.

And he was so drunk, I couldn't I couldn't get him up.

And his hand was bleeding everywhere.

The police came and talked to me and wanted to know if everything was okay.

And I, you know, kind of alluded to the fact that no, it's not great.

I think they were worried about me because I was pregnant with you.

And I just remember trying to clean it all up and thinking, this is awful.

I got to get out of this.

I mean, I used to get really scared about being left alone.

So I used to stand outside this window and wait for my mom while she was doing laundry because, like, she was right downstairs, but I was still, like, terrified of being left alone.

HEATHER: He hit the wall in front of me, and then he pinned me up against the wall with the mattress.

But it was mostly verbal abuse with me.

I think he hit Zack.

I think he scared him out of his mind.

He did hit Linda, gave her a black eye.

He hit Papa.

There was a huge fight over at Papa█s.

PAPA: I remember making... You remember making dolls out of thses?

OLIVE: Oh, yeah.

PAPA: I think there's always parts of your life, especially in turmoil, like the divorce and stuff like that, that you move through blindly and then have to go back and assess what was real at that point.

I think this was a good thing for her to go back and say, Yeah, it was all right.

I mean, it's just part of my life, Good or bad.

It's part of my life.

And I think that's healthy.

OLIVE: I don█t know.

You know, I think we're just going to see how it goes and Yeah, from there, because that's... that's all I can do.

And I came here to do something, so I should do what I came here to do.

How's your relationship like with Mason and Zach right now?

TIM: Mason and I are texting.

I see him.

Zach, he's... Zach, I haven't heard from in a while, and I reach out, but I understand.

How do you think your childhood has impacted fatherhood?

I don't know.

It affected me.

OLIVE: Do you think having a baby changed the relationship at all?

TIM: No, I... I think all the changes were just me.

The relationship and the issues were independent of you, you know?

Was it weird having a girl after having two boys?

No.

No.

TIM: That was... tied everything together.

OLIVE: How did you feel when I asked you to do the documentary?

TIM: Mm hmm.

I was shocked and surprised and happy.

Yeah.

TIM: Nervous.

Apprehensive.

Anxiety.

But... Just a window, you know?

Are you nervous right now?

No, it's just.

Everything's coming up.

How did you feel when I wrote the letter to you explaining I didn't want to see you anymore?

That I was hurt.

But I understood.

I understood.

And I'm not an idiot.

I understand.

Do you think back on those times a lot, or is this just kind of bringing it all back up?

TIM: I try not to, just -- It█s kind of in my dreams a lot.

And then, like when I wake up and recall the dreams, it's like it just hurts all day.

[pensive music] Sorry.

I'm just.

TIM: It█s alright.

You do whatever you need to do.

And you can ask me anything, I... Yeah?

TIM: I know you deserve answers.

Is there anything you've been... You've wanted to tell me or clear up or just... Just that I'm sorry.

OLIVE: Yeah.

TIM: You guys are everything I always wanted.

And this isn't how I wanted it.

And that's on me, you know?

It's... It's my (...).

And I'm sorry that it hurt you guys.

Thank you.

It's nice to hear.

You█re welcome.

Can I give you a hug?

Yeah, please.

Oh.

[upbeat piano] OLIVE: Do you remember those days?

Like sun-soaked pavement in July?

Salvation between palms of two tinsel rainbow tassels.

And then a familiar teaching echoes of skinned knees and ruby grass.

But tomorrow, I will recall this day how I pedaled among birds and clouds and when is my pain dissipate?

Like dandelions, meeting my lips.

I honestly don't know if I wish that things were different.

I know that I wouldn't be the same person that I am like right now if things hadn't gone down like how they had.

I'm coming to terms with the fact that those things happened and they made me who I am today.

And I'm still at the point where I█m trying to like who I am today.

What inspired me to make my film was watching Olive's film, Skinned Knees.

The interactions reminded me of my own experience and and made me feel like that maybe my story had some value to tell as well.

I wanted to share my story with other people, and close up that chapter of my life, not leave it so open ended.

The most challenging part of making my film was probably, the interview at the very end, because I had to prepare emotionally for that and prepare Tim for that as well, I think Tim just wanted a window.

You know, he just wanted some form of communication.

Telling a personal story through film is is really weird because it's like it's very vulnerable.

At the end of the day when I looked at my finished film and all of that anxiety that I was feeling... It just washed away.

And I felt like, okay... That ws good.

I, I liked I like my film.

OLIVE: I learned, a lot about letting go.

About reconciling with your traumas, as hard as they may be, because everyone has something that makes them scared or makes them ashamed.

And a lot of it they can't really control.

I feel more empathetic towards people.

I haven't necessarily moved on from my past experience with, like, my bio dad.

However, I do think that I have learned how to grow.

I can be my own person instead of just have it be something that constantly dwells on my mind.

I've learned how to kind of move forward.

Major funding for this program is provided by: The Lindsay-Brisbin Family Fund, The Russell Grinnell Memorial Trust, Steve and Mary Ann Waldorf, Betsy and Warren Dean, And the H. Chase Stone Charitable Trust.

Additional funding is provided by: Diversus Health, Arts in Society, Think 360 Arts for Learning.

The Joseph Henry Edmondson Foundation, the Bee Vradenburg Foundation, and the CALM Foundation.

For more information, additional resources, or to watch Our Time films, please visit: www.youthdocumentary.org.